A Funeral, a BJ, and a Break-in

BJ's Barbecue ShackI agree… it sounds a bit rogue, over the top, a bit sexy, and a tad unbelievable.  I was, however, on a 17-hour round trip drive with my parents, the entire trip taking less than 48 hours.  That should explain it for those that know my family (love ‘em!), but I suppose I’ll delve into a bit more detail for you “inquiring mind” types.

Our trip began at 5pm on a Saturday.  It was a few Saturdays ago now, but it’s never too late for a good story, right?

We were headed to the funeral of a dear family friend.  My Mom had just finished playing for a wedding.  I drive, Mom called shotgun, and Dad quietly hunkered down in the backseat.  After an uneventful hour, we drive by a BBQ joint called BJ’s Barbecue Shack.  I hear it’s quite tasty!  I quietly note, “they could’ve come up with a better name,” assuming I’d get some sort of reaction from the peanut gallery.  Dad chuckled.  Mom didn’t get it.  Ooooo, this is going to be fun.  I have no problem saying “blow job” in front of my parents, but antagonizing my Mom is too easy and far too much fun.

After several unsuccessful pleas from my Mom to unleash Screen Shot 2014-06-20 at 8.26.09 AMthe “why is that so funny” secret, I suggested that she call my brother for assistance.  She thought for a minute, probably trying to gauge the response she’d receive on the other end of the line, then promptly called one of my sisters who finally let the cat out of the bag, but not before playfully noting, “I’m a church secretary, I can’t be saying that.”  A moment of revelation and hilarious laughter ensued… and continued for about 2 hours.  From that moment, nothing was out of bounds, including Jim Fuchs Trucking; a perfectly legitimate, family-owned business, located in Sauk City, WI.

Vermont Lutheran ChurchAfter spending the night in Hudson, WI, we began again.  All-in-all, a pretty uneventful drive.  About an hour outside of our destination, we started looking for a place to change into our funeral attire.  A Sunday, my Dad was convinced that we’d find a little Lutheran church somewhere that would allow us northern Minnesota Norwegians the opportunity to spruce up.  Well… we did.  The historic Vermont Lutheran Church in Vermont, WI, was perched on the top of a quiet hill in the middle of rural Wisconsin.  A serene drive up the hill revealed… CARS!  We were in business.  The wind was howling something fierce.  We could see people in the “Gathering Place” a separate building next to the church.  My Dad peeked his head in, fighting with all his 67 years to not let the wind turn the door into a flying carpet.  People milling about, doing the quintesential coffee drinking, he politely asked if we could use their bathrooms to change.  They noted that they had just opened up the door leading into the kitchen in the church.  We head in.  WEEEE-OOOO, WEEEE-OOOO, WEEEE-OOOO!!!  An alarm.  A blaring alarm.  My Dad heads back out to notify the “Gathering Place.”  This time, they are deep in a meeting.  They knew nothing of the alarm.  Dad heads back into the church… WEEE-OOOO, WEEEE-OOOOO… comes back to the door and calmly notes, “Come on, there are bathrooms over here.”  Convinced that someone would inevitably show up to shut off the alarm, arrest us, or both, I wasn’t exactly keen on taking my clothes off, but eh.  We change without incident.  A car begins circling the parking lot as we’re about to leave, clearly as a result of the alarm, but most likely assuming it was set off by those “gathering” next door.  Minnesota Nice person that she is, my Mom made a call to the church when we arrived home to thank them for their hospitality.

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