Depends, here I come

I assure you, this move is simply for convenience purposes and not at all related to my age or physical condition.  As a matter of fact, people who have twins are apparently in pretty damn good shape!

QuadricycleI’ve done a lot of babysitting in my day, but I wasn’t at all prepared for the logistical nightmare that comes along with having twins. Peeing, being one of them (aside from just forgetting to do it sometimes).  Let me explain.

Got a crabby kid?  Go for a drive!  Ask any parent.  It works wonders. Heck, Henry and Clara Ford probably used to toss little ‘ol Edsel into their Quadricycle all the time.

Well, yesterday was one of those days.  We had promised to pick Daddy up at the train after work due to the possibility of inclement weather.  The kids were giving me a run for my money (and sanity), so we headed out a bit early.

Wondering how this works with twins?  Here’s a step-by-step guide:

  • Prepare your diaper bag
  • Change diapers
  • Get the kids dressed accordingly (jackets, no jackets, etc.)
  • Make sure the dog is inside
  • Grab one of the kids to take them to the car, notice they’ve pooped
  • Change another diaper
  • Grab a kid, the diaper bag, head to the car and get them secured in their car seat
  • Lock the car
  • Head back to the house, grab the other kid, lock up the house, and secure child #2 in the car

Aside from a bit of duplication, this seems simple enough so far, right?

I drive around, head for the Starbucks drive-through to refuel, and continue on our escapade.  After about 10 minutes, it occurs to me that I really have to pee and there is no way I’m going to make it another 30 minutes, which is when Daddy is set to arrive from the train.

My choices:

  • Drive back home, unload the kids (refer to the list above, but backwards)
  • Pee
  • Go through the first list again in its entirety, or…

————–

  • Find a nearby store that has entry doors large enough to get the double stroller into (supermarkets, larger stores like Target, etc. are good), and hope they have a handicapped stall that will fit me and the stroller
  • Realize that’s entirely too much work, especially if it doesn’t work out as planned, so I decide to…

————–

  • Call a friend who lives nearby
  • Pray to the pee-pee Gods when she answers her home phone
  • Have her come out to the car to watch the kids, and then
  • I head inside her house to pee.  FINALLY!

Now, I ask you… wouldn’t Depends have been an easier solution?  I’m not saying it would have been comfortable, but easier… I think so.

5 comments to Depends, here I come

  • kp

    Haha! At least you made it to the bathroom! For the last several weeks of my most recent pregnancy, I was wearing overnight pads everywhere we went. I knew there was no way I could hold it from our rural home to the next stoppable place (though I really did try). And if I needed to sneeze?… I often half-jokingly entertain the thought of trying out some depends. With six kids and no toilet in the van, they sure could come in handy!
    kp recently posted..Fill In the Blank Friday

    Heidi Danos Reply:

    Towards the last end of my pregnancy every time I’d walk into a store my priority was knowing where the bathroom was, often forgetting why I was in the store in the first place.

  • My sister says you don’t need depends they have some very nice discreet “pee” pads right next to the sanitary pads and tampons in most grocery stores. Good luck!!!
    MJ Scott recently posted..And the Sex was

    Heidi Danos Reply:

    Good to know, good to know!

  • My BFF has twins (now 14 years old)… she had them when both of our first born kids were 2 years old and she STILL thanks me for waiting to have my second until her twins were almost three because I basically had one of hers in my lap, grocery cart, backseat, etc. at all times for the first few years of their lives. Orangies Attic
    Orangies Attic recently posted..Book Club Review- The Lotus Eaters by Tatjana Soli

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