Politics and Waiting Rooms

Subjects I prefer to avoid, but I can’t help myself.

So, the other day, the twins had an appointment… with a doctor.  Per the usual hub bub, we signed them in and waited, and waited, and waited.  Unfortunately, this doc only comes to our location once a month and the location (to remain nameless) made a mistake and only allotted him one room to work with that day.  So, it wasn’t the doc’s fault.  And, I must say, he was really quite pleasant, even as he attempted to talk to me over two screaming children.  Note: this was NOT their usual pediatrician’s office who has been terrific about getting people in and out, and staying on schedule.

I challenge anyone to spend an hour in a waiting room and not go just a little crazy.  James was on the tail end of roseola and, while Elsa had been waiting patiently most of the time, she started up about 35 minutes into this little venture.

As I was waiting, a woman, probably late 50’s, walks in and sits down.  At this point, we are the only menagerie in the room.  Immediately, she starts asking questions.  Questions, followed by my secret thoughts (no doubt affected by the long wait) noted below.  And, just for fun, if you’d prefer the full audio version, complete with vocal inflections and feelings, scroll to the bottom (note: if you’re on a mobile device and can’t see the graphic, just click on the link).

1) “Are they twins?”

Easy.  Yes, they are.

2) “How old are they?  6 months?”

Ok, I can handle this one.  But, really.  6 months?  Elsa is as good as walking around the stroller in front of you.  Obviously, you were never a mother.  Or, your brain has severely deteriorated from sitting in too many waiting rooms.

3) As I’m walking around the room, trying to comfort James, all the while making sure that Elsa remains in good spirits, I get the following: “He needs to eat, maybe.”

Ok, lady.  You’ve already made it quite clear that any mothering instincts you’ve ever had have completely flown the coop.  I think I know what MY son needs.

4) “He’s cold.  Yes, he looks cold.”

WHAT?  Leave me and my entourage alone.  That’s enough.  I’d never let you close enough to find out, but James’s crying and fussing has raised his body temperature to “more than warm enough”, I assure you.

5) (This one is my favorite) “With twins do you get help from the government?”

ARE – YOU – KIDDING ME?  Is this what we’ve let our country become?  Help from the government because I chose to have two little embryos implanted inside me, knowing full well there was a chance of both making it out alive?  I… um… I can’t even… Ahhhh!!!!!

6) And, finally… “Where is your husband?”  This one came out with a little bit of a “what the hell” air to it.  Like, “Where the hell is your husband and why the hell isn’t he helping you?”

He’s WORKING, lady.  OMG, I have to go.

Politics and Waiting Rooms (mp3)

1 comment to Politics and Waiting Rooms

  • Mimi Danos

    For those who think they know what’s best for you and your little cherubs – just smile, and speak in any foreign tongue (even a made up one) of your choice. Gets them every time! Or, start singing “Maria,” from West Side Story, or better yet, “Climb Every Mountain!” Both in English. The babies will love it, and it may shut up that next intrusive stranger, or otherwise. It worked for me with our 3 sons and Mimi’s Munchkins bunch! Do thankfully, Tiger Silly.

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