Why Men Don’t Do the Dishes

This post is the result of a new collaboration on MoraJunction between me and my husband, Pete.  I feel as though I may be venturing into enemy territory here, but I figure it’s about time he had his say, and this seems like the perfect post to start with.

Look for the PETE’S PERSPECTIVE section at the end of this post and others henceforth.


Let’s face it, ladies.  If you’ve ever had  a boyfriend, male roommate, husband, or whatnot, you have, no doubt, been faced with the dilemma of days-old stinky dishes in the sink.  These dishes are not the result of your laziness, nor your male counterpart’s neglect.  While you are gasping in horror at this comment (after all, how on earth could a strong, persistent, and determined woman like myself make such a statement), let me explain.

I’m 39.  No need to hide my age seeing as how someone in Liechtenstein could probably find out what color underwear I’m wearing today by doing a simple search on the internet.  Anyway, my point being that I’ve had several dirty dish encounters with the male species in my time.  And, while I hate to admit it, I think I’ve just started to figure them out (and they think we are difficult).

Chalkboard ListMy analysis?  Men are morons.  Per Dictionary.com, a moron is defined as “a person who is notably stupid or lacking in good judgment.”   Now, I’m not saying the moron tag applies to every aspect of every man’s life.  Oh, no.  Mine, for example, is quick on his feet, responding with wit and thought provoking comments when greeted by religious peddlers at our doorstep.  He also has impeccable judgment on the golf course, helping me select the ideal club in precarious situations.  But, for some reason, that wit and judgment doesn’t make it’s way into the kitchen.

I thought that my husband, like every other man out there (including my Dad – I love you!) would be able to simply transfer their outstanding wit, judgment, and other positive qualities into things like doing the dishes.  Why?  Because it would make women around the world scream with joy and maybe even turn them on.  What man wouldn’t want that?!  Happy wife, happy life, right?  Who’s with me here?

Well, as it turns out (and here’s the big secret, ladies)…

MEN NEED LISTS and SUCCINCT DIRECTION.  Thank God for that chalkboard wall we have in our new kitchen!

So, in a sense, I’ve been spending years arguing, pleading, and begging for help when, in fact, all I had to do was make a simple list.  Stupid.  Uh… did I just inadvertently refer to myself as a moron?

Dammit. I give up.

Pete's Perspective

Here’s the deal, ladies…

I don’t know about your husbands/significant others, but the last thing I want to do after eating a meal is WASH DISHES.  As long as they aren’t too stinky, I don’t mind them sitting in the sink for a day.  It won’t kill anyone.  It has nothing to do with transferring “wit” – we just don’t care as much.  Our rapier wit does not make it’s way into the kitchen because it is not THAT important (now, I do not condone creating a pig sty here, but a little mess won’t hurt anyone).

As for the moron comment, lacking good judgment is a two-way street.  I think that anyone who cares too much about everyday things lack good judgment and, therefore, are morons themselves.

You say that men need lists and instructions.  Sure, most men follow lists and instructions.  Why?  Because they have, for the most part, been LOGICALLY thought through and should lead to a favorable result!

If it is THAT important to you, ladies, CLEAN IT UP!


11 comments to Why Men Don’t Do the Dishes

  • This post was great and quite humorous! As a stay-at-home-mom, the dishes are just something I do because I’m here and I can do it. I don’t make my hubby to dishes at all. No, I’m not a saint (or crazy?). I just have a routine when it comes to my dishwasher. The hubby doesn’t ever complain unless he can get to the faucet for the dish pile (which is rare these days, thank goodness!)

    Anyways, I think this series of posts is going to be fun. It allows us a peek in the male brain a bit!

    Heidi Danos Reply:

    I am, admittedly, a little bit of a control freak in my kitchen, but when it comes to the dishes and the dishwasher… have at it!

  • Mimi Danos

    I think you both have valid points. Nothing like a cup of java and your blog to start the day off fresh with a bit of from the gut laughter! It’s going to be like your tag team will be tagging each other. How about a compromise? You wash; he dries? Or you put in the dishwasher and he unloads and puts them away? A Dish Duty Fairy, kind of like a doula of sorts? You could keep the bagged garbage accumulating in your gorgeous kitchen, until the man of the house takes it out to the garbage bins in the back 100 yards? Kind of like a purposeful hoarded? This may defeat the purpose of controlling the kitchen, though Heidi. It’s true some things on a daily basis men don’t care about. It’s not that they’re thoughtless; it’s just that they don’t give much thought to things of this nature,unless you ask them point blank and it needs to be done before you have a melt down. This can be said calmly, which would I think make them move faster. The unknown is a scary thing. Seems reasonable to me. Sorry son, us women stick together. Love you though!

  • Mimi Danos

    Oh BTW, if you ask and they retreat to the bathroom for the next 5 hours reading an encyclopedia….well then they’re being thoughtless and lazy.

  • LMAO! Although sadly, I am the man in my house. Well, not really, but the kitchen is hubby’s domain and he is NEVER happy with my kitchen cleaning abilities, so I find him following around behind me, RELOADING the dishwasher (I mean who the heck cares as long as they are IN there???) and re-wiping counters. Don’t hate me… I really am a girl in most other aspects of my life. Thanks for stopping by my blog… newly following you! Orangies Attic

    Heidi Danos Reply:

    If hubby was chief cook, I might have a different perspective. I’m with ya on the dishwasher. Shove ’em in. As long as they are clean when it’s all over, I could care less!

  • 2gm

    Regardless of gender the person who cooks should not be subject to dish detail, unless its the other persons bday or we are looking for some “quality time”.

    Heidi Danos Reply:

    I LOVE the way you think.

  • 2gm

    Sorry Pete just grill more and use paper plates. I am just glad Marne won’t have access to the internet until Sat night, otherwise she could probably give you a myriad of other topics for your blog about other stuff I don’t do around the house.

  • LMAOROFL! My husband does not have the “balls” to respond with the wit your did! He would simply apologize and promise to start helping with the dishes, only to turn on his Star Trek Online game and forget…again.
    Brittany Baughman recently posted..Day 13 SITS31DBBB – Step away from the computer and no one gets hurt…

    Heidi Danos Reply:

    Haha. Well, mine doesn’t have any problem speaking his mind, which will help make this series of posts a lot of fun, I’m sure!

    Good luck replacing that video game controller with pots and pans.

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